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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?